woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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