So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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