dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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