Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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