craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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