Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Holy shit dude........stairs
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