I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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