he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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