I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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