girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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