Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
