thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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