I wish my penis had an off switch
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i think im in europe. pls send help
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
