i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
