on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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