Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You've changed since you got that strap on
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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