I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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