we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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