Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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