Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
