I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
