can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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