I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
