So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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