I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
