You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
