so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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