I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
