isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
