how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
