Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
