Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
what is it with giant penises always finding me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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