i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
