Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
MIDGETS
????
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
