I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
