im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
