I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
