I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
