I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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