I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
