Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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