Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
