i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
