i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
