If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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