i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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