what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
