Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
