I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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