I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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