Joe is yelling at the trees again.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
